ignited muse

all changes going to:

2009-06-22T19:06:00.000-04:00

www.itssam.posterous.com

on pain

2009-03-25T23:17:00.003-04:00

warning: not good writing ahead. in too much pain to edit.

anyone who knows me knows about me and my many dysfunctional body parts. where should we begin? first there are the fingers that, after repeated jabbing, have simply swollen to the point where most rings won't fit. then there are the ankles which have been twisted and sprained more times than mary-kate has been in rehab, the knees which can't move without the two joints rubbing against each other.. nothing WD-40 can't fix.

then there's the infamous back pain. my back has steadily gotten worse over the past 5 years.. there will be random moments when it spazzes out and there is immense muscular pain. and i am one who doesn't like to go to the doctor - my body is stronger than that, the doctor won't tell me anything i don't already know, ill get even better if i beat this without medication.. you name the excuse, ive ran it through my head before.

but lately my back has been hurting more and more, to the point where i finally made an appointment with an orthopedist. there would be times when the pain was just unbearable, and i would spend the night sleeping on the floor, just so there would be strong support for my back.. checking my back, the old viet man told me he saw nothing wrong. in fact, my back is very healthy. precautionary x-rays told the same story, but just to be sure, there's an mri lined up for later on in the year.

walking away with a perscription for some cream, i thought everything would be fine. until today, when all day, from zero to.. hero? the pain-meter shot through the roof. if there was a measurement for pain, mine would be The Todd plus one. i could barely walk, and it progressively got worse. i finally gave in and picked up the cream. but it did nothing. even lifting an arm or turning my neck would trigger the pain; who knew your back muscle was involved with so much?

i think my instinctive response would be to ask God to take this pain away. but i think of job and his sufferings and how this man of faith responded - he totally disregarded the pain and praised the name of the Lord. how can you do that? how can you be in the mood to praise God's name when your entire family and livestock just got crushed? how can you be in a praiseful mood when you can't even sit eat dinner properly because your back hurts just that much?

at this, job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. then he fell to the ground in worship
job 1:20

the lesson we learn is that we don't simply ignore the hurt or the pain; job tore his robe and shaved his head to lament, to mourn.. but the way he responds to the pain is astounding - falling on the ground in worship.

sometimes, the posture of my heart is so selfish, so fickle, coming and going with the situations around me, when it is Christ who makes me who i am, and in whom i have my trust and identity. so in the midst of my pain, i am learning to turn around and praise the name of the Lord, because i know in faith, He has overcame it on my behalf and He is a sovereign God who delivers.

of course, if i end up paralyzed one day or die, then you, dear 6 readers, need to throw this reminder back in my face.

on chicken

2009-03-09T12:04:00.005-04:00

Explain your answer in the Comments

Which is the better chicken part: Drumsticks versus Wings

Give me a beat, cause I love them sticks !
Red bull gives me wings !
I am really more a beef person...
I am morally opposed to eating chicken

See Results

on living

2009-02-21T11:08:00.006-05:00

think of this as your pre-sunday sermon, but i dont care. some days, i am so stricken by the power and hope we have in Christ Jesus. it goes beyond simple story of salvation to a life filled with the hope and assurance of his deliverance, a life where every step we take is victorious because of our faith in Him and the work we do in Christ's name, by Spirit's power and for the Father's glory. ive been entirely arrested by this truth and promise. in mark 13, Jesus tells his disciples of signs of the end ages. and it is a truth that defies all that this world treasures and puts its hope in.

in the end days, we will see signs of it as the world and its misplaced worship finally collapses on itself, unable to satisfy this infinite greed and selfishness. 'nations will rise against nations and kingdom against kingdoms'. there will be war, famine, earthquakes.. it will be the 'beginning of birth pains'. 'Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child. Children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death'

and what of our faith? Jesus says 'the gospel must first be preached to all nations.' it will be a heavy task. we will be persecuted for our faith. we will be opposed. we will be called foolish and people will mock us. the apostles were. the early believers were. christians today are persecuted and even put to death.

'All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. '

'Do you see all these great buildings?" replied Jesus. "Not one stone here will be left on another; every one will be thrown down.'

this world in its cycle of self perpetuating selfish desires, feeds off itself; it is never content, never content because it has never found true joy. their eyes are clouded and their hearts are hardened (ephesians 4) and they build their hope and lives on things built by man: technology, grand architectures, culture, aesthetic beauty, money, comfort.. but the Messiah tells us this is all meaningless. even the sun and moon will be forbidden to give light. stars will fall from the skies and heavenly bodies will tremble and shake. (vv 24-25) everything considered great on this earth will be thrown down, cast into cinders in the face of true kingship and His holy face revealed.

'At that time men will see the Son of Man coming in clouds with great power and glory.. Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.'

Lord come quick. Come and save us from this despair. what a glorious day that will be, when Christ returns and reveals His full power. every knee will fall, every unbeliever will be speechless and the entire world will tremble and quake. but despite this anticipation, my heart still yearns that the Lord would prolong this day, because otherwise, so many souls will be lost forever. Lord, wait on a little longer. Come and help us proclaim your glory so that there will be more who come to know you.

guys, stand firm and be bold in your faith. its not easy and every day is a spiritual battle, a warfare that on our own we cannot win. we will always come face to face with stumbling blocks for us to denounce our faith; we might not be literally standing in front of governments or being publicly flogged, but our demons are still very real. they look like pride, they look like shame in praying in front of our peers, they look like compromising our morals at a party we are at or a joke we are making, they look like procrastination in spending time in the Word..

look at peter. he was the rock on which Christ would build the church (matt 16:18). yet, when face to face with trial and persectution, he explicitly denied Christ 3 times (mark14:66-72). how the mighty had fallen - it shows how entirely broken we are, and how we can absolutely not trust in ourselves. our standing firm and our strength to overcome is by His power. there is glory even in partial victories, second chances in Christ (see John 21:-15-19).

'Whenever you are arrested and brought to trial, do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit.'

second chances aren't without their trials and challenges (see Acts 4); peter was thrown in jail and stood trail before the elders and the Sanhedrin. yet, he did not denounce Christ. he spoke in the spirit. in the same way for you and i, the ways we are tested and challenged in our faith are very real. we will have so many chances to live with our eyes downcast and shameful and appear foolish. but do not worry about falling or being unable to overcome, because we will speak just like peter did and we will stand firm when we are empowered and living by the power of the spirit. take hope even in partial victories, but never stop striving, 'for we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard'

all i once held dear, i have counted loss. (phillipians 3:7-11) indeed, nothing compares to knowing the promise and glory of the life that God has raised us to. in 1 John 2:22, it tell us that the man who denies the Father and Son is a liar and is the anti Christ ! so if you don't deny Him, then don't deny Him in the way that you live, the actions you do and the words you speak ! live no holds barred, nothing to lose !

in his reinstatement, his forgiveness, peter lived a life that proclaimed the gospel. his entire life loved and reflected Jesus. and while ultimately he too was hung on the cross, the way he followed was one of victory and salvation.

guys, live unashamed and unrelentlessly. live knowing! that you need! to stand firm. live knowing! it is won! in His name, by His power and for His glory.

and knowing this, live like it !

(service will be adjourned after a moment of silent meditation)

on life in general

2009-02-17T21:28:00.003-05:00

i have a pretty light heart that takes on the world with a smile; a smirk that knows the last laugh is on his side. but the truth is more days than not, that smile is so bittersweet.

it's bitter; i see so much emotion, so many people who are lost, so many people who are hurting, so many wrongs, so much chaos, so much mess and so much tragedy. such a heavy cost.

but so very finely and delicately woven into these moments, are glimpses of joy, of love, of beauty and of glory.

we rush around every day so quickly. we are too accountable to this world. deadlines, meetings.. time, time, time. often, days fall into routine that become like a roll of film; you can almost see yourself in a movie - everything is monotonous and purposeless.

until one day you catch a moment where you are reminded of the beauty of grace, the power of the spirit, the glory of redemption, the joy of fellowship, the hope and victory that is realised in faith. and seeing all of this suddenly slows the world down. suddenly, there is joy in the hectic and there is peace is the struggle and entropy; there becomes a purpose and beauty in everyday because it is everyday that God is present in the way we serve and live

and i am thankful today for being reminded that in all of this world, it isn't so bad when we are in it together, all waiting in praiseful expectation, all eyes on the glory and beauty of Jesus, our Savior, Lord and coming King.

let me remind you to take the time to slow it down and to focus your eyes on God and ask yourself, where is the room for beauty, grace and abundance in your everyday life.

on beautiful feet

2009-02-16T18:14:00.003-05:00

today, God placed on my heart the joy he takes in our servant hearts..

it must be the joy of requited love, the joy of sacrifice acknowledged , the joy of a king whose people are willingly obedient, the joy of the blood of the Lamb appreciated, where our Lord looks down at the work that he has begun and accomplished on our behalf and says 'it was worth dying for'

isaiah 52:7

how beautiful on the mountains
are the feet of those who bring good news,
who proclaim peace,
who bring good tidings,
who proclaim salvation,
who say to zion,
"your God reigns!"

these couple of months have probably been my busiest times as a student. i am filled to the brim with ministries on campus and church as well as time for work and time to myself. in the past, when i get snowed under with work and commitments, i became stressful for a couple of days and would go all out. it wasn't healthy and i barely made it through. but as i saw these couple of months come about, i suddenly saw it as an opportunity not for me to burn out, but for me to learn the importance of balance and to learn the joy in my service to my God

i have really been learning, moreso than ever, how to be joyful in the midst of my struggles, in the midst of my hectic schedule and busy weeks. this joy is so calming; there is passion in the things i do and i think for the first time in my life, i am learning to serve God the way i was meant to.

let me challenge you to ask yourself how you can love what you are doing. how does what you do help you praise God and love him more? and how does it help others see and love him more? it is possible. but its a joy and peace that only the Spirit can bring through prayer..

and oh, what a beautiful thing it is, to be passionate in my days, to love and to see the joy always, through eyes of faith and great expectations. i am filled to the brim, but his promise assured, my cup overflows indeed.

on ridin' dirty

2009-02-09T11:31:00.010-05:00

let's be honest. given my track record, i'll probably be a wheel chair or at least some sort of walking aid in my elderly life. i'm pretty sure I'll be one of those old men who hobble around waving their sticks at kids.. or if i had a walker, i would slowly shuffle out the house in my bathrobe, look at the sky and say something along the lines of 'it's going to rain soon.. i can feel it in my bones'. thus, after a good day spent well, i have decided this is the wheel chair i would want.

when I get this bad boy pimped out, i'll be the epitomy of ridin' dirty (although truth be told, it would probably be closer to white and nerdy)

ps. i hope powerpoint at least gets better in the future so when i am obese and handicapped, i wont be the one that kids want to project their screen onto.

pps. ridiculously hungry these days.. tonight i had a plate of shanghai noodles, a 12 inch sub, a large bubble tea, and i am starving now for.. seafood, hk street style. oh man i am seriously craving chinese seafood (maybe sai kung or cheung chau)! i may be pregnant; more news to follow

ppps. if i had to get a snowboarding helmet, what color would be best?

on me and Him

2009-02-05T23:13:00.003-05:00

Read Luke 5:1-11 for context

When Peter first cast out his nets on Jesus' command, he showed obedience. Not perfect obedience, but he followed through, even though he probably grumbled a little. Had Peter been a perfect follower with grand faith, he would've simply declared 'Yes Lord!' and cast out his nets. But realistically ;) , he probably obeyed grudgingly. But the reward that followed is astonishing. His nets are filled and there is so much fish that two boats can't even contain it.

What I am gathering from this right off the bat is how transcendent and powerful God can work. Peter's obedience was not perfect. Mine is even further off. But God still uses and honors our imperfections, as long as we lay it down for Him.

Side Note:
Some days, people ask me why I love evangelism. They say if you are a Calvinist (I think I'm going to choose not to identify myself with that label. I simply submit to His almighty will. I am a Sovereign-ist), then why do you need to share the gospel? God willing, they will be saved, with or without you. Yes. But God has made it clear that this is the way he chooses for them to be saved. He can use any method or means he so chooses. Jesus could've made fish jump into Peter's boat, without Peter doing anything. But Jesus' command was to cast out the nets as the means to be fishermen. In the same way, to be fisher of men, evangelism is our command to cast out our nets.

These days I have been struggling with myself, sometimes doubting, sometimes ashamed. I should start by saying that I have never been a good man. I am utterly broken and useless. I am so sinful, so selfish and so human. Any good in me, any love, any patience, any grace, is Christ in me, showing His mercy.

And my GOODNESS; Christ is working powerfully in me. And I say that boasting only in his power; I confess I can do nothing. Nothing, without He who gives me strength, He who raises me up.

But these days, I look at myself, and my goodness, I am a prideful man; I am pleased with myself, I am self righteous and I am unforgiving. It's in these couple of days God has opened my eyes, to myself, to see how I am even more wicked and unclean than I knew. Either I have gradually been slowly falling away, or I can see even more holiness and in relation, I am much more undeserved than I ever knew.

When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, "Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!"

I feel entirely like Peter; so dirty, so ashamed to be in the presence of Christ. I am ashamed that I, even in knowledge of grace, I continually to turn away, continue to fall short of this life of glorification that I have been called for. There are so many better than I. Why me, Lord? What humility you must have to love me, to choose me, to raise me up.

Peter is so ashamed. And so am I. Choose someone else, Lord; raise someone else up. I'm not worthy. I am not deserving. I am going to let you down. You deserve better than I.

Then Jesus said to Simon, "Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men."

That is mind blowing! Wow! To me, this is the most powerful line; it is how Jesus responds to us, when we recognize our sinfulness, our lacking and our shame. Christ Jesus says, Christ Jesus commands Do not be afraid. Jesus is looking at Peter, looking at me saying, 'Yes, I am Holy and you are so broken. You have no right to be in my presence and that alone is enough justification for you to burn to cinder. But I!, Christ, loved you first, and have ransomed you and made you worthy. I!, have nullified your weakness! I!, have conquered the grave and overcome what you would never be able to, on your behalf.'

That is love. That is grace. That is undeserved. Praise you Lord, that you remember me, in my lowly pits. But where I am weak, You are strong. The point is the power of Jesus, is it not? The point is the glory of Christ.

I am most broken, when God is most evident in blessing me in an undeserved way. It gives me such a humble brokeness, but at the same time, a humble joy, to which I have nothing to respond with but to obey. A true Christian's love to either God or men, is a humble and broken hearted love. Their hope is a humble joy, even when it is unspeakable and full of glory and leads the Christian more poor in spirit and more humble like a child. (Matthew 5:3-10)

Lord, thank you for revealing my pride to me. Thank you for bringing me to my knees again. Thank you for showing me how undeserved I am, but even moreso, thank you for reminding me that you have overcome that; that what you have called me to, You will raise me up for my good and for your glory. (1 Thes 5:25 (gosh I love this verse) )

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

-1 Timothy 1 : 12 - 17

HE is bigger, than I am small.

So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.

on living in the light

2009-02-03T11:55:00.006-05:00

psalm 139

on snowboarding and faith

2009-01-19T00:59:00.003-05:00

i guess after snowboarding 3 times, i finally have the right to call myself a real snowboarder, someone who loves it for the joy of it.. not just what i hear about it or see on tv. i remember how the first half of the time i spent on the slopes, i would constantly slip and fall, tumbling (after) down the hill. i have to admit, it was frustrating. time and time, i would fall and get up quickly, relentlessly pursuing a goal. that goal was the joy in fully knowing how to snowboard, to enjoy the beauty and grace (and dare i say glory) of it. i didn't know it personally, but people told me of it. it was promised. so therein lay my motivation to keep striving, not giving up.

when i finally mastered (sort of) i remember flying down the mountain on my board, with an excitement that i had never felt before. in that moment, i loved every bit of snowboarding and i finally saw and felt all the joy that people who've tasted the goodness have shouted about. i was so joyful that i even when i finally wiped out and slid backwards, down half of the mountain, i was laughing uncontainably.

that is the joy that God our Father promises to us that is waiting at the end of carrying the cross and burden we call being fully human. in the same way as i gradually got better at snowboarding, i am constantly being shown glimpses of glory, as if God is saying this is what's in store; this is what is soon to come, so keep striving. it is not easy to keep at something when you are tired, when you are frustrated, when you are weary and cannot see the light. but this is where faith comes in. faith is clinging onto that promise. these days, i am learning about taking joy in all my days, never looking back like mr lot's wife, but rather, desiring to be at a point where i can fully look only ahead, never ceasing to want more, never being satisified.

Lord, give me faith that surpasses what this world looks like. in You, there is victory won. give me faith like a child, so that in me, there will be victory realised. and all abudance of grace, love and peace will follow in overflow

on being used

2009-01-15T22:47:00.011-05:00

tonight, laundry (and God) has given me the opportunity to spend extended time with Him. and for no apparent reason, i am, tonight, all of a sudden filled with joy in being his servant. a lot of scripture to come, but that is the convicting power and truth of the Word.

serving God is one of the most amazing parts of life. i remember my pastor asking me in my last year of high school what i wanted to do with my life. almost as a joke, i said who knows? maybe ministry. the plain and simple fact was that i had no idea what i wanted to do with my life. my pastor said to me don't let go of that thought. even the smallest thought can be a seed from God. you allow God to grow that seed when you continually to pray.

in about half a years time, post grad life will take life in campus ministry. oh what a circle i have come. i never really decided to follow any career path, but the more i prayed, the more i felt that there was no other way i would be satisfied unless i could share the joy i knew in Christ. just thinking back on my prayer requests, i can see God turning the uncertain into clarity, rewarding patience and focus with the greatest gift - to be used by Him for His glory

there are always days when i sit at the feet of Jesus, outdoors, looking back at my long and winding path, with my hand shielding the sun, in awe of how far He is has brought me, how He is brought me here. talent and skill wise, i will never be able to give God my all. i am entirely undeserving and incapable. but i rejoice in my lacking (2 cor 11:30), because this lacking is only by the world's standards. my abundance comes from the Hand that saved me, that raised me up. i rejoice that i have nothing that i can boast of on my own, but only in Christ. (galatians 6:14)

i am reminded of one of my favourite characters - moses. a lot of the days, i feel just like that old man (minus the beard. i bought Year of Living Biblically, but that's another post for another day). he was the smallest vehicle imaginable; he was stubborn (exodus 4:10), he was a stutterer (exodus 6:28 - 7:5). he was a prince of the nation that persecuted God's people! he downright refused to go on God's behalf (exodus 4:13)! but yet, God was sovereign. He angered at moses' and our stubborn heart (exodus 4:14). moses had plans for himself, but God had bigger and better, for moses, for me, for you. so much so that we must fear the Lord.

of course, there were times when i would feel discouraged, feeling overwhelmed. 'i can't do this God. i want to but there just seems to be no way for me to do it. do you actually need me? of all people, me?' but God is my patient father who sits his child on his lap, and explains to him how much it pleases him that his child's heart would desire to serve. sometimes, God tears us down from the thrones that we set ourselves on, maybe even thinking God has placed us there, humbling us, telling us He has bigger and better plans. indeed, God used to foolish to shame the wise and the weak to shame the strong (1 cor 1:26-31).

all He asks is a patient and willing heart. God teach us to love your way more, so that in my life You will be seen relentlessly, for the heart of my God is good (romans 8:28) and he longs to be gracious. are you praying (romans 8:26-27) to be patient and willing, knowing that God, out of His love for you, has greater and perfect plans for you? (philipians 2:12-18). these are good plans that make us prosper, even if they are not always the way we envision. (jeremiah 29:11-13). i will live passionately, relentlessly and unashamed !

but he said to me, 'my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' therefore i will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. that is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
- 2 Cor 12:9-10

He who calls you is faithful. and He will do it.

oh, tobymac, how right you are - how sweet it is to lose the world and gain eternity in Christ's glory

on the four seasons

2009-01-12T19:14:00.003-05:00

i'm a kid.

i was sitting recently, looking at the snow outside, in wonder of how just a couple of months ago, it was the warm and sunny fall, filled with blue skies, clouds of white and the green grass. good times. and in a couple of months, its going to be back again. seasons are relentless, faithfully coming and going, disregarding all that it brings along. sunshine, won't you be my mother? ive concluded that the seasons, in order of my preference, are Fall, Winter, Summer and Spring.

fall, you beautiful one. the red, yellow and orange leaves go perfect with the crisp blue of the sky and the green grass of life. you are not quite hot but not quite cold.

winter. the cold one. everyone seems to talk about how much misery you bring. but you are the one that reminds me of a different season for everything (ecclesiastes 3). you bring snow, which is beautiful and new things to do, like snowboarding !

summer. woah, are you one hot mama! i'd like you if you weren't so hot and dry. why do people like you so much? you bring sunburns, dry skin, thirst (psalm 42) and deserts (psalm 107:4-6a). but i guess you do bring about times where we can enjoy the outdoors, the beaches and swimming.

sorry Spring. you are wet and mushy and you bring to my mind, images of rain, moist and wet muddy grass. but you are the season of life, the season that brings restoration and beginning of new things. and despite being kind of yuck, you remind me that Jesus was just like you. he was despised and was nothing that the world would love (Isaiah 53:2-3) but he brought life to what was dead, a promise that is continually faithful and constant (psalm 107:33-35).

all this to say, all seasons are good and wonderfully made haha what's your favourite season and/or seasonal activity?

on the valley of vision

2009-01-12T12:22:00.004-05:00

Is full-swing the right word to describe the semester at one week in? Probably. This semester has come rushing in, without warning or mercy; another 3 months of being a student. But the last 3 months. Beyond that, only as God would have it, for His glory.

When You lead me to the valley of vision
I can see You in the heights
And though my humbling wouldn't be my decision
It‚s here Your glory shines so bright
So let me learn that the cross precedes the crown

To be low is to be high

That the valley's where You make me more like Christ

Let me find Your grace in the valley
Let me find Your life in my death
Let me find Your joy in my sorrow
Your wealth in my need
That You're near with every breath
In the valley

In the daytime there are stars in the heavens
But they only shine at night
And the deeper that I go into darkness
The more I see their radiant light
So let me learn that my losses are my gain
To be broken is to heal
That the valley's where Your power is revealed

It's okay to not feel what you know, and it's okay to only have the head knowledge whilst feeling otherwise. Faith is seeing the Words of Christ, as revealed in the Scriptures, and trusting, without any other evidence (i.e. emotions, circumstances), that what has been spoken is true.

Where's your faith?

on this (new) year

2009-01-02T13:41:00.002-05:00

there's nothing so significant about the new year. without from the number, you'd never even know there was a difference between the 31st and the 1st. why do we make it such a milestone?

the truth is, waking up to a new year for me is like waking up every day. God has been constantly been growing me and revealing truths to me, all throughout the past year. just looking at the past posts, i feel even stronger about them and i can see evidence of the Spirit at work

"Shout out loud in prayer, things you would like to ask God for for the coming year"
Wisdom, Faith and Love; to be filled and to walk in the Spirit

this is the Glory of my triune God. My God who is faithful and always the same, no matter where i am at. My Redeemer, my Salvation, my Father and my King

i am joyful for the new year, just as i am joyful for the new day and today, just like i desire to be always, praise and prayer is on my lips

Post Script:

i'm also keeping myself accountable to learning more scripture. i am starting the year off with Isaiah 30:18

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you
He rises to show you compassion
For the Lord is a God of Justice
Blessed are all who wait for Him

on choosing

2008-12-14T22:17:00.003-05:00

God is constantly showing his faithfulness to me. today he restored and healed what i thought was lost for a long time, or at least, was without answer.

there is not a day where i learn to lose myself to the will of Christ over again. to me, this is what it means to be fully man but fully living in knowledge of my debt, my slavery and my place in Christ

God's grace in me, despite his faithfulness, his power at work, his promise and deliverance already complete, all of me falls short. everything that is me wants control, to want what i think is best. i am my biggest obstacle in wrestling my way back.

and it is the scariest thing to let go of control and trust in God's will. because i don't know what that is right now. i don't know so many things and despite believing that God knows my heart and what is best for me, i find myself just like peter, who steps out of the boat in faith but panics halfway and loses sight of jesus.

so from the mouth of a sinner, let me challenge you to join me, every day, to think of the ways that you seek control and are hesitant to trust in God and everyday, by His power, come back. and in all that we do, start with prayer. never stop praising because God is deserving, whether we feel it or not. all our praise could not give God justice, but give it still because it is all we have to give.

jesus, come quick and rescue me from myself because by my own power i will never be able to surrender my all to you, i will never be able to have complete faith in you alone. help me be lost in you, to know how to only look to you, because my eyes are distracted and i am prone to wander. would you help me make you my everything

on the valley song

2008-12-12T01:11:00.004-05:00

i am kind of happy these days, clinging on to the fact that God is walking with me, just like he promised in Psalm 23 , and it all reminds me of Jars of Clay's The Valley Song.

good days and bad days, i will turn and praise your name, trusting in your will and sovereignty.

on exams

2008-12-10T09:18:00.003-05:00

studying for my bible exam is such a great experience. this class has, without a doubt, helped me appreciate biblical history and foretelling much more. i am full of praise for divine prophecy, the Word of God, the Sword of the Spirit.

listen up, king ahaz!

Isaiah 9:6-7
For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us;
And the government will rest on His shoulders;
And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Eternal Father, Prince of Peace.

There will be no end to the increase of His government or of peace
On the throne of David and over his kingdom,
To establish it and to uphold it with justice and righteousness
From then on and forevermore.
The zeal of the LORD of hosts will accomplish this.

on everything and on nothing

2008-12-01T00:40:00.003-05:00

i am on my knees in surrender, in the presence of sovereignty; i hide my eyes, face to face with the holy one

its not easy to carry the cross. my prayer is that every day this year, i will remember how to lay it down at the end of the day at the feet of Jesus; be lifted

i am on my feet in dance with my arms lifted in praise, in the presence of grace; face to face with my creator and deliverer

on pseudo captioned photos

2008-11-17T23:48:00.005-05:00

Yao: I can't believe we lost to a fictional country!
Coach: What? Lithuania is a real country.
Yao: What about Zamunda?
Coach: Zamunda? No. That is a fictional country.

Yao sits for a moment to absorb this.

Yao: So Tracy McGrady is not a prince?

on the poem of today

2008-11-17T23:35:00.003-05:00

some days are filled with joy
others are filled with sorrow
some days are filled with smiles
others are filled with tears
some days pass quickly
others take forever to end

it rains on some days, sun shining the next
and snow fluttering on others

i don't know much,
but it doesn't change the fact that:
every day is filled with beauty
every day is filled with blessings
every day is filled with things to learn
every day is filled with redemption and grace and Love
every day is needed to be appreciated
every day is a potential waiting for you to initiate it
every day is a blank page waiting for you to fill it i n

and every day is ordained by God

i don't know much, but what i do know makes life worth living, every day

Praise the Lord!

on complacency

2008-11-13T21:26:00.005-05:00

the days i struggle, people assure me i am in the right place because im struggling and that my heart is in the right place with God. this fact, combined with my knowledge that we could never attain full perfection, is a dangerous mix

its a little similar to treading water. no matter how hard we tread, we will never be able to, by our own strength, to keep our entire body above water. but it is the water treading that keeps us afloat. the moment the desire stops, then we'll be submerged.

today, God revealed to me how complacent i have become. how ive came to a good place and felt settled and content; i was told that i was treading nicely and i was content with that and i stopped. but today, im confessing that it is never enough and comfortable is not good. my comfort and assurance comes in my never ending strive to follow Christ, to seek more of his will.

let me encourage you - wherever you are at, don't stop wanting more of God. its our battles and constant struggle that show the Spirit working in us. and it will be, some days, weary and tiring, but know that God is proud of you and gives you rest when you depend on him for strength and rest. and it will be slow. but it will be steady. growth is only ever realized in retrospect

with Christ, i could never have enough of him; less of me and more of You

every day.

on trading

2008-11-03T17:31:00.006-05:00

disclaimer: this blog is going to be youtube hyperlink galore

my goodness !

chauncey billups traded for allen iverson. as much as i love iverson (as much as he loves practice), i still feel a little heart broken that my favourite point guard is leaving.

there's some consolation in mcdyess coming back, but ultimately, only a championship will do

on acts

2008-11-03T00:40:00.004-05:00

dear father,

i praise you for your sovereignty and yet at the same time, knowing me intimately

i confess that i could not give you my whole heart all the time, that sometimes my walk with you seems distant because i don't spend enough time in the word. i know that in all things, i need to pray. prayer is time for us to show each other our hearts and for me to align mine to yours

i thank you for justifying me and i live with knowledge and expectation you have already delivered me from all my shortcomings, past, present and future

i ask that you be my guide, give me an undivided heart that fears the Lord, that seeks you above anything else. Spirit, fill me and give me wisdom and discernment and obedience to follow through on it

i will fall short over and over, but where i am weak, you are strong !

in Jesus' name,
amen

on c.r.i.m.e. a.i.d.

2008-10-31T15:15:00.006-04:00

it's so warm today; if i didn't know otherwise, i would think it is summer. i love you summer, marry me.

on days like today, everything in the world feels so right. thank you God for bad times and for good times, and thank you for being the same yesterday, today and for all eternity. i am yours

i declare God is good
.. so is the office !

Michael Scott: Crime Aid - Crime reduces innocence, makes everyone angry, I declare !

on surrending

2008-10-26T15:54:00.001-04:00

so this is the way that i say i love you
this is the way that i say i need you
this is the way that i say i'm yours
this is the way that i'm learning to breathe

on growing up

2008-10-22T14:28:00.002-04:00

Growth is a slow process. It definitely takes time, patience and consistency, and we only ever seem to notice it, when we look back. Much like running a marathon for God (see Philippians 3:14), it always seems impossible to reach the end goal. But our God has promised good to us and he will deliver. One step at a time, he says, I will be with you until the very end.

I always struggle with discipline to consistently spend time in the word. I know that that's the best way for me to learn, for God to expose himself to me. Sometimes, I become too dependent on my own insights, on my own steadiness and calm and on my own character. I can only bring myself so far; I need God above all things. What does it mean to lose myself to him?

Battles we fight each day, they are so small when we look back at them and realize how we often make mountains out of mole hills. Worries and anxieties fade in the steadfast grace and love of God.

What do you hold on to? What makes who you are and what defines you everyday? Why do you do the things you do and where does your self worth come from? Where does your assurance of peace, grace, love and of eternity lie? Me, I will try to cling to nothing but God and slowly but surely, he will raise me up. He is my vine, my grower and my source.

on the facts of life

2008-09-26T00:15:00.005-04:00

check out the song: Love Is Not Made by Jon Foreman

i think one of the greatest things about myself (,ladies) (jokes) is that i face the world and its problems with such a bemused and light heart. i smile in the face of all calamity and i want to have the last laugh when i die. i cling to three principles/facts of life as i know it:

1: God is steadfast and faithful. And this God, MY God, will never fail. He IS Love.
2: How can I live in a way that Jesus would? How would Jesus respond to this situation? How would Jesus look at this person?
3: Having the strength to change what I should and can, having the humility to accept that which i cannot, and the discernment and wisdom to know the difference.

these days, ive been tired. there's a lot on my plate with commitments to different ministries, relationships, school and myself. it's not to the point where i burnout, but its to the point where i have to admit that i am not giving enough of myself to God because i have my sights and priorities set on elsewhere. i say i am willing to lay it all down for God but i'm still learning what that means. maybe the more you learn and grow, the more you realise how much youve yet to go. the deeper i dig, the more i realise how shallow and small i am. God, teach me to desire you more.

so many uncertainties, especially with my graduation right around the corner. but how do i plan so far when midterms are next week and all i want to do right now is sleep? summit retreat is tomorrow. in anticipation, i feel like God is saying to me 'Hey, relax. Come fellowship with me and I will provide everything else you need. I am your God and I love you'. Letting go of control.

Lord, teach me to let go of myself, by faith. Help me know you are God.

In the meantime, I will continue to cling to my three facts of life. don't let the panic bring you down

on being led back

2008-09-18T00:55:00.003-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcvMQOZkusQ

everything i once held dear, i count it all as loss; what does it mean to lay everything down for Christ?

Evangelism today reminded me today of the magnitude of Christ's Love, more than enough to cover the debts of our sin. We all fall short and we are all unworthy, but I am unashamed and I will boast in Jesus Christ.

Father, I praise you because you are steadfast, always faithful, never changing. Father I praise you because you are just, yet compassionate to offer me saving grace. Father I praise you because in you, I am stripped of myself and humbled by your light.

on Love

2008-09-02T23:45:00.003-04:00

Love.

Let Love overflow out of you and manifest itself in forgiveness, in repentance, in rebuking, in your every word, thought and action.

For if we have every material, every blessing and every gift in the world 'but have not love, we gain nothing'

on summer

2008-08-18T12:39:00.004-04:00

Though I love the way words can express so much, one of the things I dislike is how often, even the best phrased words cannot do full justice to that which it describes.

It's a little more than daunting, to realise that tonight is the last night I will spend in Hong Kong, before I am caught up in the unknown future. It's been an eventful summer to say the least. 3 months can catch you off guard and run away fast; oh you are sneaky, summer time.

One of the things I aimed for at the beginning of summer was the importance of slowing down, to not be caught up with commitments, deadlines and the demands of the world. But I was so caught up that I barely had time to do things that should've mattered more, like spending time with friends and family; poor planning and prioritising has left me wanting more.

Summer has also been filled with goodbyes. So many things and people to leave. People in Egypt, friends in Hong Kong, the kids from work.. kids have it best I think - they are too positive and innocent to know the heartbreak this world offers. One particular child who had speech development problems couldn't pronounce Sam properly. As he hugged me on my last day, he gave a huge smile of joy and sweetly said... 'Goodbye, Scum!'

We can learn a lot from children. They're often the ones that are most like Jesus; the most forgiving, the most loving, the ones with the biggest hearts. Goodbyes are something I shared from Egypt too though. There are no ends in Christ, and in Him every relationship and every work is blessed so that there is unending joy in it.

In that sense, I'll also always be homebound wherever I go, as long as I take the time to foster, cherish and build the relationships that God has blessed me with there.

And being convicted of that, there is no real goodbye.

Take care and see you when I do.

And in the famous words of Winnie the Pooh, Ta Ta for now!

on being reignited

2008-08-04T08:57:00.002-04:00

Before now, the only blog I have consistently kept has been this. I created it after I was baptized, wanting my thoughts and daily experiences to be in_Christ. Maybe it is because it was that, that I was able to keep it for almost 5 years, albeit periodical blogging.

Missions in Egypt has re-ignited my want to blog and share my experiences anew.

Even though Mission Trips are places where relationships with Christ are strengthened and rediscovered, I believe that the only reason for this is because we seek after this only on Missions Trips. What God wants to say to you and I, He will tell us when we are listening and seeking after Him, regardless of where we are or what we are doing.

I start this blog by challenging you to seek Christ in devotion and being quiet for Him each day.