on being used

tonight, laundry (and God) has given me the opportunity to spend extended time with Him. and for no apparent reason, i am, tonight, all of a sudden filled with joy in being his servant. a lot of scripture to come, but that is the convicting power and truth of the Word.

serving God is one of the most amazing parts of life. i remember my pastor asking me in my last year of high school what i wanted to do with my life. almost as a joke, i said who knows? maybe ministry. the plain and simple fact was that i had no idea what i wanted to do with my life. my pastor said to me don't let go of that thought. even the smallest thought can be a seed from God. you allow God to grow that seed when you continually to pray.

in about half a years time, post grad life will take life in campus ministry. oh what a circle i have come. i never really decided to follow any career path, but the more i prayed, the more i felt that there was no other way i would be satisfied unless i could share the joy i knew in Christ. just thinking back on my prayer requests, i can see God turning the uncertain into clarity, rewarding patience and focus with the greatest gift - to be used by Him for His glory

there are always days when i sit at the feet of Jesus, outdoors, looking back at my long and winding path, with my hand shielding the sun, in awe of how far He is has brought me, how He is brought me here. talent and skill wise, i will never be able to give God my all. i am entirely undeserving and incapable. but i rejoice in my lacking (2 cor 11:30), because this lacking is only by the world's standards. my abundance comes from the Hand that saved me, that raised me up. i rejoice that i have nothing that i can boast of on my own, but only in Christ. (galatians 6:14)

i am reminded of one of my favourite characters - moses. a lot of the days, i feel just like that old man (minus the beard. i bought Year of Living Biblically, but that's another post for another day). he was the smallest vehicle imaginable; he was stubborn (exodus 4:10), he was a stutterer (exodus 6:28 - 7:5). he was a prince of the nation that persecuted God's people! he downright refused to go on God's behalf (exodus 4:13)! but yet, God was sovereign. He angered at moses' and our stubborn heart (exodus 4:14). moses had plans for himself, but God had bigger and better, for moses, for me, for you. so much so that we must fear the Lord.

of course, there were times when i would feel discouraged, feeling overwhelmed. 'i can't do this God. i want to but there just seems to be no way for me to do it. do you actually need me? of all people, me?' but God is my patient father who sits his child on his lap, and explains to him how much it pleases him that his child's heart would desire to serve. sometimes, God tears us down from the thrones that we set ourselves on, maybe even thinking God has placed us there, humbling us, telling us He has bigger and better plans. indeed, God used to foolish to shame the wise and the weak to shame the strong (1 cor 1:26-31).

all He asks is a patient and willing heart. God teach us to love your way more, so that in my life You will be seen relentlessly, for the heart of my God is good (romans 8:28) and he longs to be gracious. are you praying (romans 8:26-27) to be patient and willing, knowing that God, out of His love for you, has greater and perfect plans for you? (philipians 2:12-18). these are good plans that make us prosper, even if they are not always the way we envision. (jeremiah 29:11-13). i will live passionately, relentlessly and unashamed !

but he said to me, 'my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' therefore i will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. that is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
- 2 Cor 12:9-10

He who calls you is faithful. and He will do it.

oh, tobymac, how right you are - how sweet it is to lose the world and gain eternity in Christ's glory